"Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be"
I'm talking about it, at least writing about it, in a five part blog. This is not going to be kiss and tell, but I will be talking about the teachings I received, some of my experiences, and the insights I've gained. Because I'm a straight male, that will be my viewpoint, unless I'm sharing from my female partners and students, or my gay students and friends.
I've been interested in sex since I was very young. I remember having feelings for Diana Ross and the Supremes, seeing them on the Ed Sullivan show. I really liked how they looked, their hair-dos, their tight dresses, and angelic voices. I didn't know what to do with them, but I knew I wanted to do something with them! And from an early age, I did NOT turn my head away during kissing scenes on t.v. and in the movies.
Fast forward to my teenage years where I discovered martial arts. All my martial arts teachers taught about sex. As a matter of fact, all my teachers in all my various pursuits, taught me about sex. Martial arts, spirituality, esoterica, and my lovers taught me about sex. I went on to study three main sexual traditions, Chinese, Persian, and Alchemical. I am not going to make this any kind of scholarly paper, or push any kind of dogmatic approach. We're talking about sex here! Layman's terms and modern ideas will cover so much more and be easily understood. At least I think so, you'll be the judge.
My first serious and in-depth sex teacher was my Tai-Chi teacher, Master T.T. Liang. Master Liang not only taught me Tai-Chi, history, philosophy, and many other subjects I would have never been exposed to, he taught me about Taoist meditation and sex. He told me that my semen, called jing, had power and potential in it and that I must cultivate it. He said if the jing goes down and out, the energy can make a baby. If the jing goes up and stays in, it can make a spiritual baby.
Master Liang taught that I can make my body healthier and strong, as well as perfecting my spirit, by regulating my ejaculations. Sometimes he gave me exact details about this, other times he just said," Young man, don't fuck too much." It was during this period of study that I met my elder classmate, Paul Gallagher. Paul embraced me as a kung-fu brother and became my second, but most important teacher of sex. And I continue to this day to consult with Paul as my Sex Education guru.
I practiced martial arts with Paul at his home studio, Wu Ming Valley House in western Massachusetts. We would practice and talk and I soaked up his wisdom, knowledge, and kindness. One time he told me I need to read the book The Tao of Love and Sex by Jolan Chang. This book changed my life.
He gave the the general ideas from that book, supplemented by his knowledge of Chinese Medicine, Taoist Meditation, and extensive research in Chinese language texts. When I read it there were chapters on Tai-Chi, breathing and so many other things I was into. And of course, sex. Even more, I'd say love and communication were the central themes. I was eager to try it out!
The first time I embraced the ideas of the Tao of Love was truly magical. My lover at that time noticed I was doing things differently and she encouraged me to continue. We spent the whole night in erotic delight. Delaying and outright dismissing my ejaculation, there was a whole new world of love and pleasure. Without the gory details, we tried all the positions and techniques, we communicated, and I felt that I saw so many more aspects of her than before. She fell asleep at dawn but I was full of energy. And contrary to the popular belief, I did not get "blue balls." I had no pain and I felt better than ever!
I deepened my knowledge of Taoist methods and had beautiful and open partners who liked to practice with me. I noticed that my Tai-Chi, meditation, and Tao of Love dovetailed perfectly and complimented each other in my life cultivation. All my martial arts teachers gave me some advise on these practices. Some had no knowledge of the methods but understood jing as the building block for my health and strength.
My next pursuit was through my Sufi experience and training.My teacher, Shaykh Nazim al-Qubrusi, gave talks where I recognized he was talking about what I thought of as Taoist Love-making. When I had private time with him, he talked about Imsak, the techniques that King Solomon used to please his many wives and harem.
Imsak means "delay." It also values the sperm and makes use of similar techniques for retaining or delaying. This way a man can stay strong and keep his partner loved. Shaykh Nazim taught that, "One hundred mouthfuls of food, makes one drop of blood. One hundred drops of blood makes one drop of sperm." He went on to say that we have to be careful about how often we ejaculate and know how to build back up and stay spiritually strong. King Solomon, like the Yellow Emperor, had 108 wives and needed a method to please them and still stay vital. Imsak was the secret.
It seems that wherever I went, whoever I studied with, kept filling in parts and offering new pieces to the art of love. Simply separating sex and ejaculation opened my life to amazing amounts of energy and clarity. Learning that it's easier to keep testosterone than to try to take it or supplement it makes so much sense. I became able to teach and research on many levels and in many traditions.
By far, my open partners were my best teachers. One taught me, "It's not the meat, it's the motion." Later another taught me, "It's not the meat, it's the e-motion!" I had the great good fortune of being with someone who was looking for a person to explore these love arts. I even loved a certified instructor of these arts and she has been the best teacher, helping me bring all these teachings and lineages together in one magical place of love.
I've had the privilege of counseling people in health pursuits, and sex either comes up, or I bring it up. They shared many details that also informed my experience, and filled in my knowledge, both of the good, and the not working. I hope to share even more details and ideas as I progress with the blog series. Until my next blog, love yourself, look at your lover with new eyes, and talk about sex!
Part 2 - Nuts and Bolts