Thursday, February 24, 2022

Let's talk about sex, part 2.

"Fire and ice
 You come on like a flame
 Then you turn a cold shoulder"
 -Pat Benatar 

 When I wrote nuts and bolts to describe part 2, I meant no pun or joke, but I'm glad many of you got a laugh out of it! I'm thinking about the working parts, more specifically the working theories that lie at the foundation of Taoist love making, and the understanding of men and women. Here goes! 

 The Taoist feel that men are mainly the fire element and women are mainly water element. There are many teachings about fire and water, but they are metaphors for men and women. Here is one: fire is quick to ignite and quick to extinguish, water is slow to boil and slow to cool. And another, if you put the fire directly into the water it will go out, put the fire under the water and it will boil. 

 In modern terms it's simply the difference in arousal time. Knowing who is turned on fast or slow can be a key to understanding each other's need and wants. The idea that you have to "come together" as a sign of your love and compatibility, or that if you not always up for a quickie there is something wrong, is addressed with the fire and water idea. 

 Think about a husband and wife getting ready to go out for a fancy dinner and may be live theater. He’s excited, jumps in the shower, gets out and shaves, quickly puts on his clothes and he’s ready to go! She then gets in the shower, gets out, dries her hair, does makeup and nails, etc. dress, and puts a lot of time and energy into this amazing evening to come. Meanwhile he’s pacing and she’s starting to get stressed.

You know you’ve seen this scene in sitcoms and romcoms. Sure, it’s funny to laugh at from the outside but many of us have been there on the inside and it is no fun, especially when the night gets ruined before it even begins. I say put her in the shower first but that’s just me. 

 So this fire and water idea is all over the place. The knowledge and understanding can be applied in so many situations like getting ready to go out, problem-solving, oh yeah and lovemaking. You’ve heard it from so many other people and I’m gonna say it here as well, it’s all about balance! Knowing how to balance fire and water, get them to work together, then sit back and watch the steam run the great engine. 

 I heard that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love. Is this also the difference in the elements? Or, men give foreplay to get to sex, and women give sex to get to the afterplay. If we understand this, we can address when to lead, when to follow, and when to mutually act. I’ve heard men say that their first orgasm is the most pleasurable and that subsequent orgasms lessen in intensity. I’ve also heard women say that each orgasm increases in intensity and gets better the more times it occurs. I see a timing strategy in here, you follow me? 

 This by no means even comes close to exhausting all the possibilities of fire and water. I do try to simplify so that it’s easy to understand, but there is so much more depth to this subject. How to put fire under water? How to keep the lamp full so the flame doesn’t go out? How to give the water adequate time to bring it to boil and then to let it slowly cool down? I have the answers to these questions and will either publish them in the book or seminar or both!

 If you have any questions or comments or concerns feel free to reach out and message me. I am taking a lighthearted approach to this subject but I know that it can be very complicated and painful and I may be of some assistance. Until my next installment, talk about sex, think about sex, read about sex, and love yourself unconditionally. Peace. 

 Part three, a guest blogger.


  1. I love how you break this down and explain it. Because you're right, men and women are different. But when they can come together and understand each other's needs and desires, it can be amazing! I hope you continue on this subject, I would love to read more.

  2. Different but equal! Thank you for commenting!